Four Years And Counting
Four Years and Counting
by Neil S. Murphy
Today, May 23, 2021 makes four years I was NOT supposed to see according to man and medical science. Yet here I am and there is only one explanation. God’s plan for my life was different than anyone including myself knew.
From 1977 until 2017 I lived but didn’t really LIVE. My way of managing pain, loss, grief and sadness was to suppress it with sex, drugs and alcohol and struggle past it as fast as possible with no healing. As a result of a lot of things self condemnation crept in and made itself at home. I allowed myself to lose all joy simply because I didn’t deal with loss and sadness and hid it away instead, burying it deep in my subconscious where in hindsight it did much, much more harm. I’ve often joked that there are two types of examples in the world, the first is how to live well and the other is what not to do. I’ve always said I was the latter. Some jokes hold a lot of truth in them.
As a result of a lot of things that happened on the 23rd of May 2017 my life, my existence was stripped away and my priorities and all I thought important meant nothing. All that was left was a confidence in and a dependence on God that has changed everything. As my beloved Catherine said ” God WILL beat you half to death to get your attention ” and in my case that is true. I would not recommend anyone waiting for that but in my case that is what happened.
(more by this author; submitted by cs murphy 5-23-21)
- Neil Murphy